august 22 it's been a bit since i said hi here. i might redo my index today or not. i don't have much time left before school starts. and next week i"m also occupied with the entrance tests. so this week is really the last week i have time to work on other stuff. i think the 1st week op september is free too, but then i might need to . idk. i have no idea what i have to do to prepare for college. anyways, i've been drawing a lot, a ton. i wanna watch a series or movies again but haven't made time for it. there goes my to watch list i wanted to finish before summer ends. too late for that now. sad. but i can still watch them whenever. today is again a lazy day, like most of my days are if i don't have appointments or anything. with the drawing i also feel less useless than i used to do when i had lazy days, cuz then they just consisted of being on my phone or laptop all day, but now i'm actually doing something. gonna go now and work a bit on a project and then draw... love you if u read this u are loved. bai

anyways, films. might watch one today. i also wanna re-do my index page. not sure if that will be something for today, but in the future maybe. also working on a very simple button page, so i'm gonna go through all the sites i follow and gather buttons like a chipmunk gathering food or something, idk. bai

august 17 it's 11 something right now. in the morning. i woke up at 9 which is an improvement! i just realised i haven't watched a movie for myself in a long while. i made a summer watchlist on letterboxd in june or july and told myself i needed to watch all the films on it before summer ends, but that's getting close and i still have a bunch to watch. i'm not gonna be able to watch them all. makes me sad. cuz i have no idea how busy i'll be when college starts. i have no idea about anything that will happen when college starts, cuz i don't even know what i'm going to study yet, cuz of those damn entrance tests... so frustrating, i should've just given up on film school and commit to journalism.

anyways, films. might watch one today. i also wanna re-do my index page. not sure if that will be something for today, but in the future maybe. also working on a very simple button page, so i'm gonna go through all the sites i follow and gather buttons like a chipmunk gathering food or something, idk. bai

august 16 hiya it's again noon. that's the time i actualy start my day, at least for this past week. i'm not depressed anymore, cuz turns out i just was gonna have my period, so ofc i'm depressed. so now i'm better. yesterday was a good day and today is again just a lazy day. not much to say. i just got out of the shower and i cut my hair! it's much neater now. i like it. i kinda wanted to let it grow out, but it gets all flat when it gets long. and now it will be easier to wash as well. it's about shoulder length now. just above the shoulders, actually. gonna laze around now, cuz there's nothing to do anyway. bai

august 13 it's noon right now, and honestly i feel ok. i've been wanting to get into gamedev again and also drawing but they're both so difficult and i tend to give up very fast on things. though i've been drawing for a bit now consistently. the dream is to make a visual novel, but that's only because i wanna make something as pretty as the ones i've played. but my art and storytelling skills are not there yet. i should just make a silly one to get started though, and discover what it takes to actually make one. gah i wish i started drawing sooner, but now is the second best time! and i've been improving! but i just draw random stuff and i don't know, i'm like not really learning too much? maybe i should get a course, though i don't know if that'd be worth it. i just find it harder to give structure to my own learning, so that's how a course might help. but if i try hard enough, i could do it myself too. make a schedula and stuff. i'm just lazy haha. maybe i should try to start on it today. still have the whole day basically. let's try that... bai

august 11 remade this page, so this is the first entry now. i've not been very well mentally these past few days. i had a friend sleep over and we did fun stuff like going to the museum, but after he left i just kinda got into a bad rut. it's not that bad, but it's not fun either. since my work for the summer ended, i just have nothing to keep me busy and i feel so lost. i've also been going to sleep later. usually i sleep very early, by 9, but i've been staying up till 11 or midnight and then waking up at 10 or 11 for the past few days. i need my 10-12 hours of sleep. it's a lot but i function way worse with less than 10. but anyways, when i wake up so late, i feel like shit for the entire day. so it's been a couple of shit days. just feeling so useless and disgusting. i showered just now, so i fee a lot better, and i also feel good because i made this cute page. i'm keeping the placeholder entiries here below for a bit.

but yes, that's been my week. fun times followed by bad times. i'm going to binge a series i need to finish now. kinda put my mind off of things. i'm supposed to meet up with a friend tomorrow, but it's gonna be 34°C, so i think we should cancel, but she's not answering texts.. gonna leave this entry here. bai